Of, relating to, or affected by psychosis (auxillarypriest) wrote,
Of, relating to, or affected by psychosis

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The ugly duckling

Yeah, so I go to call my mechanic to come do some work on my pimpass ride, and I look over my lovely vehicle and I see the top of a poofy afro. So I wander outside to see my neighbor standing in the middle of the street with a camcorder. So now I'm thinking "what the fuck is going on?" Turns out he's videotaping a duck, and I think to myself "aww isn't that cute, he's videotaping the duck." Well I start talking to him and he tells me that when he came home he saw two big hawks in his yard just attacking the piss out of something. He thought it was just a mouse until he got close and saw that it was a female duck. Apparently the hawks took off and the duck ran for safety, uhm in the midle of the road. Cars were zooming by and barely missing her. My first thought was to call animal control to come take care of it but I knew I had to get it out of the road first. So I called my room mate Jesse up and asked him to come help because he's pretty good with animals. Eventaully we managed to get the little bastard into my driveway but instead of stopping there it ran into a huge mass of bushes. My room mate and I were tracking the little bastard in the bushes for 45 minutes trying to get it out but it would just run around in the bushes and wouldn't come out. After a lot of hassle we got it out in the open, but the closer I got with my handy rubbermaid bin trap the faster the duck ran away. He hightailed it down this little hill and into a wooded area. I told Jesse that it was time to probably give up but he wasn't gonna let it go that easily after chasing it for nearly an hour. We both jumped down the hill commando style and surrounded the duck and got the bin on top of her. We slid the lid underneath it and scooped it up so we could take it to the humane society. Unfortunately my car needed work done on it so it wasn't able to be driven. We called anyone that we thought would be nice enough to go through the trouble but none of the good people were home. We ended up taking her a ways up the street to release her into a pond. Apparently she was quite the sexy duck because within moments of putting her in to the water she had two male callers eagerly coming towards her to lay their mack down.

So after releasing my duckling friend that I affectionately named "duckstromethorphan" my room mate and I were smoking a cigarette on the porch, and what lands in the middle of the street exactly where the duck used to be? Yes, that's right that big fucking bastard hawk. He looked directly at us as though he was pissed at us for taking away his dinner. HA HA YOU BASTARD HAWK, I'M THE SAVIOR OF DUCKS EVERYWHERE.

By the way, in case you didn't know I'm sorry.
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